Day 28: Jobless Jitters (M)

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Since I wasn’t hired after my last few interviews--I was even late for one and underdressed for another--I decided to throw-out-all-the-stops for this most recent one. I borrowed JR’s tie, donned my white leather shoes, left from the house two hours early, and was open to the possibility of faking most of my answers. The prospective employer is a bar/lounge that’s set to open in two weeks in Ward, the principle shopping district of Honolulu; this is how the interview started:

Owner: Hi, my name is owner dude (I forgot his name).
Me: Hey, I’m Matt.
Owner: So I see you’re from Pennsylvania. Are you a Steelers fan?
Me: Ummm…yes?
Owner: Well then, you’re hired! I was born in Pittsburgh.
Me: I LOVE the Steelers!
Owner: [goes into his wallet and pulls out a photo of him and some guy] Do you know who this is?
Me: Yes, that’s you.
Owner: Right, I know. But the other guy?
Me: I don’t know.
Owner: Oh…because that’s the quarterback for the Steelers…
Me: You know, I watch mostly hockey…I’m more of a Penguins fan, really…I watch football sometimes, though.

Then he starts asking me about my experience serving alcohol and stuff like that. The thing is, I was so early for the interview that I went to a nearby cafe and drank a few cups of coffee to waste time before arriving at the bar. At this point, I was feeling quite jittery:

Owner: So what are your aspirations?
Me: (I’m applying for the bar-back position) I hope to become a bartender, and one day work my way up into management, maybe even try to supervise a nightclub here in Honolulu. I’m young and the sky is the limit!
Owner: You know what, you seem very high energy. That’s just what we need behind the bar here.
Me: [fidgeting with my pen, jiggling my leg] That’s wonderful! That’s great! That’s wonderful!
Owner: Alright then. You’re hired. Here’s the paperwork.
Me: Thank you thank you thank you!

So that’s the story of how I finally got a job here. And the rest is all candy-canes and unicorns. The end.
(photo soon to come)

Day 27: Ode to the Fan (M)

There are some things that we tend to take for granted. I believe that the fan is one of those things, so I have decided to commemorate it's noble efforts with a poem.

Five Ways of Looking at the Fan:

                  I

Trade winds have departed,
But the fan is still here
Carrying the gentle island breeze
Deep in its metallic bosom.

                II

In the dim moonlight,
All that can be seen in the house
Is the silhouette of the fan’s spidery legs
Trapping the heat in its icy web.

               III

Scurrying sideways across the sand,
The fan snapped its sinister claws
At the stove-hot rays of the baking sun.

              IV

A quite seaside room,
And all that is heard
Is the comings and goings of the sea
And the faint rattling of the fan.

              V

Two boys sat watching tv
And the fan hovered protectively above them
Softly blowing on their foreheads
And gently tickling their cheeks.


Thank you, fan. Who needs air conditioning when we have you?

Day 26: Makiki Heights and Mis-communication (M)

After our extended splurge weekend, its time to return to our mission: get jacked. So, in an effort to burn off some of those tequila shots and lumpia, I went on a little hike in Makiki that our housemate, Elsa, had recommended as a [paraphrased] "nice, gentle hike". And it did start out quite nice, with cheerful families strolling by, beautiful scenery, and native plants lining the trail (top right: taro plant clusters. bottom right: a yummy strawberry-guava branch). -------------------------------------------------------

But the trail quickly sloped upward, with rocks and roots providing the only footing, and the easygoing families were replaced by hardcore hikers with camelpaks and hiking poles. The path led out onto a ridge bordered by two cliffs, and I was informed by some passing hikers that we were only 2 miles from the top! With thunder clouds rolling down the mountain and the sun on the horizon, we gave-up and retreated back home to avoid being chased by wild boars or those pesky boulders that the trail signs kept mockingly warning us about (see left).
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Needless to say, the trail was not quite what I was expecting earlier that morning when I set-out for an easy stroll through the mountains. It was a good hike, nonetheless, and I learned to take Elsa's description of easy hiking trails as a generous understatement of the truth (except if you're a strong hiker, which I'm not...JR's not either). -------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, continuing with examples of my poor communication skills, today's quote of the day shall be themed "Verbal Misunderstanding of the Day"--this one was a convo between me and our housemate, Tami:

Tami: Oh, Matt. Don't forget we need the rent and utilities by tomorrow.
Me: [confused] You need the red ukulele by tomorrow?!
Tami: What? No, rent and utilities. It's the first week of October.
Me: [smiling and nodding knowingly] Ok, red ukulele it is!

In my defense, the Hawaiian accent is a hard one to understand. And, sometimes, I just have ukuleles on my mind.

Day 25: House Beach Day and Filipino Food Night (J)

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Sometimes things just feel "right." Today, we headed out to the beach with housemate Tami and her puppy, Oscar, ex-housemates Arlene and Kaimi, my friend Athena, and her friend Beth.  Definitely a family affair.  While Matt and I were doing a little swim lesson out in the ocean, we kind of just stopped, looked around, and shook our heads in amazement and doubt.  Because Waikiki has somewhat become our "local beach," we take it for granted sometimes.  But, as we looked around, saw the mountains, the trees, the clean sand, the resorts, the couple getting married, and a multitude of island visitors frolicking in the crystal blue water, just so happy to be here and take a break from the stressed-out rat-races in their respective lives, we just felt so lucky.  We looked around again, saw Kaimi and Arlene laughing as they paddle-boarded around, Tami playing with Oscar in the gentle shallows, and Athena and Beth chatting about work as they tanned in the always generous sun, and thought: damn, these "locals" are our friends, they treat us like two of their own, and felt really, really lucky.  And, it just felt right.  (Note: I wanted to take some pics, but it felt a little creepy trying to take pics of our mostly female friends.)
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Random Pic:  Athena successfully parallel parks for the first time in Hawaii!  That's me looking on approvingly, with Matt taking the sneaky, somewhat inappropriate picture.
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Later that evening was "Filipino Food Night."  A couple of the girls went shopping in Chinatown earlier in the day, and had everything ready for a feast:  Pork adobo, pinakbet, a couple types of pansit, lumpia and turon.  Of course, the usual side-items of Corona and Bud were also present.  Here are some pics of our family food prep.  I peeled carrots, cleaned some other veggies, and wrapped lumpia and turon. Skills, son.

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(Housmate Justin makes his first blog appearance in the upper right.)
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With island jams running in the background, endless chatter from all the cooks and preppers, the girls laughing at me for incorrectly peeling the carrots, the warm wind flowing through the wide open front and back doors, and the faint sounds of referee whistles coming from the football game in the other room, it, again, just felt right.  When all the food was ready, about ten of us just sat around the dining and living rooms, joking around, further lessons in Hawaiian vocab for Matt and me, drinking and enjoying the veritable feast of very tasty Filipino food.  Afterward, we just chilled and got to know each other better.  (The damage can be seen in the above right pic.)  It really did feel like family and, for the final time, it felt right.   (John)
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Day 24: Rainstorms, Dress-Code Faux Pas, and First-time Hawaii Clubbing (J)

Oh man, it rained a lot today.  There's nothing really interesting about that, except that I have realized I hate rain anywhere and at anytime.  While it's still usually warm when it rains, unlike the frigid temperatures and hellish winds that accompany an east-coast rain, I still don't really like it.  Also, maybe it's because I don't have a car here.  Apologies for the whining.
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Anyway, at night we went out to The Pearl Ultralounge with Athena and her friend, Beth.  While I thought I had left behind the swank, wannabe super-refined clubs in Hollywood and Manhattan, I was sadly mistaken.  Due to the strict dress-code, Matt, who was wearing black pumas that looked kind of dressy, could not get in.  So, with 15 minutes to spare before the cover charge kicked in, we booked it to the closest shoe-store we could find.  (Right: Matt to the right quickly trying to look for the cheapest "nice" shoes he could find.) 
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(Look at those white patent leather badboys!)
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Once we finally got in, we got pretty wasted and had a really good time.  We hadn't gone "out" out in a while, so it was a nice change of pace.

(Upper Left: Athena and Beth get friendly; Upper Right: Matt relishes his tequila; Above: A harmless, friendly round of body-shots and the three of us.)

Day 23: First Friday and Jo Koy (J)

Went out to "First Friday," in Chinatown.  A tradition in many cities, local artists come out to show their local wares on the sidewalk, art galleries open their doors wide and serve some refreshments, and performers line the street to keep you entertained during the festival-like event.
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The highlight of the night, however, was when we went out to Pipeline Cafe to watch Jo Koy, a Filipino-American comedian from the mainland, perform.  My sister and some friends are big fans of his, but this was my first time watching him.  It was some funny, funny, funny stuff.  In a club filled with over 400 people, with many folks lining the walls, bars and every other opening and crevice, this high energy guy effortlessly moved back and forth from mainstream stuff to Filipino-centric comedy with ease.  Plus, he continously mentioned how proud he was to be Filipino.  Apparently, he's getting pretty big: he's had a couple of specials on Comedy Central, is a weekly panel guest on the Chelsea Handler show, got a rare standing ovation on the Tonight Show, and is currently developing his own television show.  Great stuff.

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For those of you unfamiliar with him, as I previously was, here are some short clips of his work (enjoy!):  Jo Koy on his Mom and the Wii,   on Latinos, Asians and Fighting,,   and on Swimming.
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(Note: his best stuff isnt' really suitable for t.v., so he's even funnier in person!)

Day 22: Vocabulary Lesson and Ghost Stories, Island-Style (J)

The local lingo can be a little confusing sometimes.  While pidgin is near-incomprehensible to me most times, and Hawaiian language signs hang everywhere (all seven consonant's worth), there's also other fun colloquial terms that I've had to pick up in order to communicate.   To that end, I have compiled a list of terms I've learned from both my housemates and aural observations on the bus.  Here are a few:

Choke-  Plenty, or a having a lot of something.  I hear this word almost more than any other here.  For example:  "There's choke food-- eat up!"

Haole-  A white person or tourist; at times used in a derogatory fashion.  Luckily, most people think I'm a local and am never called this.  Matt, on the other hand...

Junk-  Bad, not good.  ie: "Man, that was junk pho last night. Don't wanna eat there again."

Howzit- Hello! aka "what's going on? what's up? what's good?" I usually hear it used in the following way towards me: "Howzit braddah!"

Shaka- No, this is not a local term for "shocker." Get your mind out of the gutters, folks. It refers to the so-called "hang-loose" sign popularized by pop culture.  Here, it is a traditional greeting used to convey the "aloha" spirit, hello, goodbye, cool, or thanks.  I give it to the bus-driver and pedestrian friendly drivers a lot.

Da Kine- People use this in almost every situation, and it means anything or everything. It confuses me, because I have no clue what people are actually referring at the time of its usage.

Makai- When giving or receiving directions, this refers to the "ocean" side of a place.

Mauka- Refers to the "mountain" side.  All locations are either mountain-side or ocean-side.

Sketch- Sketchy or dodgy.  ie: "Yo, don't go there at night, it's pretty sketch."

Mahu- A very effeminate transvestite or homosexual man.  I have been told by my male housemates that, should I hear this word directed towards me, I am to fight them.  Which actually leads us to:

Scrap- Term used to describe "physical fight." Plenty folks here looooove to scrap.  I think it's the warrior culture.  When Matt and I bicker, I say: "F-it man, let's just scrap!"  He usually cries and pees in his pants a little after this.

** Thanks to Tami for the majority of my linguistics education.
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Speaking of Tami, one of the local lessons she has taught us is to avoid whistling at night.  apparently, this calls the spirits.  Well, late this evening, Matt and I were just lying down just watching t.v.  Suddenly, we hear someone quietly say hello from outside our window.  Now, neither of us actually acknowledged it, because we each individually thought we were hearing things.  Then we heard it again: "helloooo." Neither one of us could doubt hearing it at this point, and I mentioned our whistling earlier in the night.  At this point, Matt bolted up out of bed, screeched a little, and hit the door as he struggled to get out of the room.  Funniest ish ever.  It turned out to be a friend of one of our housemates who didn't want to make too much noise knocking at the door.  Still, funny stuff.

Day 21: "Mr. I am the LAW!" (J)

For those of you sadly unfamiliar with the above reference, it was famously uttered by the esteemed Rob Schneider (he of partial Filipino heritage and "You caaan do it!" fame), in the equally esteemed film classic, "Judge Dredd." While Mr. Schneider stated those words in fully mocking tones towards the darkly foreboding Sylvester Stallone (in the title role, of course), I use it only to partially mock myself.
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( To the right: an old lawyer-y pic from my Rutgers days.)
-------------------------------------- You see, I made some Hawaiian law today!  Well, I kind of did.  Actually, that's not true at all.  Still, I presented my research and gave my recommendation to the Justice and the law clerks on a case of first impression.  For the non-legal types out there (oh, how I envy you sometimes!), this means that the case involves an issue and question that has yet to be dealt with and decided upon by the state's judiciary or legislature.  Basically, it means that the Court, including my Justice, is making new law.  Did I get that right, law friends?  Obviously, due to confidentiality reasons, I can't really say what it was about.  Anyway, while I am an insignificant puddle/stream to the Hawaii's judiciary's massive Pacific Ocean, it's  still nice to give my tiny contribution.
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In other news, happy birthday to Lynette, our cousin and a full-third of our zealot-like followers.  Also coming up, we have Danielle's (Matt's sis and my cousin) birthday in a few days.  Finally, since we're in the mood for family shout-outs right now, a big one goes out to my sister, Katherine/Maricar, our illustrious, O.G., first follower.

Day 20: Waterfalls and Whatevas (M)

I finally visited Manoa Falls, which is about a 15-minute jog from our house. And to my surprise, it is only slightly less beautiful than the waterfalls in Nicaragua that we hiked probably four hours in the pouring rain to see. Shout-out to Crystal and Grace--our brave hiking companions! I think we've shouted-out to almost all of our readers now. Anyway, my necessity-driven job search has continued uneventfully and by now I have applied everywhere--from glitzy nightclubs to corner cafes--with no love. Whatevas. But you know, I've heard that periods of comfort are best appreciated when interspersed by periods of great discomfort. If this is true, perhaps this terrible job-hunting experience will only make whatever odd-job I find that much more enjoyable...Maybe.
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As an aside, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to JR for instigating the earlier argument (see Day 13).
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Finally, it's time for the "Out-Of-Context Quote of the Day!" Today, it comes to us from JR--"...I'm kinda girlie sometimes..."--Well said, JR! Well said.

Day 19: A Little Perspective (J)

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For the most part, this blog carries a jovial, banter-driven, some would say irreverent, tone.  Matt and I talk about our experiences, we attempt to entice a few chuckles from our handful of followers, and we give general updates to those loved ones and friends who'd like to check up on us once in a while.  As a self-imposed rule, "99 Days in Paradise" is not meant to be a news-site, political forum, or space for anyone's ideologies, beliefs, or empathy.  Today's post will set aside our regular tone for a moment, and provide a rare exception to that rule.

Several days ago, Typhoon Ondoy began to batter down the northern part of the Philippines, including Manila and twenty-three other provinces.  After dropping nearly double the amount of rain than Hurricane Katrina, flash floods have mercilessly ravaged the Philippines.  Nearly two-hundred people have died, countless more are missing, and over 500,000 Pilipinos remain displaced from their homes.  The pending aftermath seems even more grim.

The following link and story recounts the efforts of an 18-year old who saved over thirty people in his village by plucking them from a raging flood, one by one, before he lost his strength and succumbed to the relentlessly pounding water.  His body was found a few miles down from the village.

"Hero teenager saves more than 30 lives before he is swept away by Philippines floods."


Friends, please allow me a few brief closing thoughts.  Hawaii has been an amazing experience so far.  I don't feel guilty for having had this opportunity-- my parents worked very hard in order to educate me, those accomplishments I've earned have come through sel-motivated dedication and will, and I expect to have a bright future.  Still, I am immensely, humbly lucky-- thousands upon thousands of pieces have clicked miraculously into place for me to be here, at this place, at this moment.  In many ways, I have been given almost everything.  Yet, with a quick flip of fate's coin, it could have been my family on the shabby roof of a Manila shanty hut, struggling to hold on to life.  Moments like this just make you put things into a little perspective...